First Exchange Between Diabolus 31,506 and Diabolus Apprentice 19,751

(With apologies to C. S. Lewis.)

Diabolus 31,506 to Diabolus Apprentice 19,751:

Gah, they’ve done it again! Every time we try to put forth falsehood, lies, deceit, and confusion, some humans twist it around to make it something clear, interesting, and true!

Consider the lies of feminism. Now we’ve got a good thing going there, don’t get me wrong. But no sooner had we established “Women’s Studies” as an actual thing (LOL), than some human scholar starts twisting it around to ask interesting anthropological questions!

I’m referring to that study that just appeared in The Journal of Feminist B.S. in which a young professor digs into the role of the two sexes in the prehistorical development of human technology. Her basic notion is as follows: Given that men were basically out running around fighting each other and chasing down impalas, and women were walking around holding infants, foraging for plants, and cooking them, it seems reasonable that the technologies of e.g. cooking and baby slings were more developed by women, and the technologies of hunting and war were more developed by men. So this little guttersnipe is investigating the archeological evidence about this.

“Big deal,” you’ll say, “that’s obvious.”

But think about it: We’re trying to divide the humans along certain lines (in this case sex) and make them hate each other. Then this little $#@&^%&^% comes along and starts asking valid questions about human pre-history! It’s all very intellectually curious, which is the last thing we want to encourage. And it’s intellectually honest, since she has no agenda and doesn’t care what the answer is; she just wants to know the answer. Much worse, there’s no hate in it at all! The journal editors forgot to require her to insert something about how men oppressed women by not soliciting their opinions on the bow and arrow, or whatever. That’s not why we invented Women’s Studies, damn it!

Diabolus Apprentice 19,751 to Diabolus 31,506:

But that’s just one example. Not much harm, right?

By the way, you referred to “the two sexes” above. Shouldn’t that be “the seventeen sexes”? Or whatever number we’re up to now?

Diabolus 31,506 to Diabolus Apprentice 19,751:

Regarding “the two sexes,” it’s okay to say that as long as it’s just us chickens. But good awareness.

And it’s not just one example, Ap. 19,751. Here’s another recent one, from “environmental science”: So we get the falsified data, crammed through the ridiculous models, and with enough working over the results (with a sledgehammer, LOL) we get the conclusion we want, which is, of course: You need to establish totalitarian government right now or you’re all going to die!

We thought we had “environmental science” in the bag, but some monkeywrenching little *&^$@&^&$* comes along and gets interested in the environment’s dynamics (i.e., how the system changes over time). So what does he do? He develops his own model – which is drastically simplified, but that’s no help to us because he honestly acknowledges that fact, aargh! – and starts analyzing its dynamics.

The result? He proves a new stability theorem! Some mathematics professors at the university where he teaches heard about his theorem, got interested in it, and have been generalizing and extending it to other kinds of dynamic systems! FUCK! We start this whole enviro enchilada with a view to spreading falsehood, and what happens? Some little asshole comes along and uses it to develop a new intellectual tool for finding truth! How the fuck are we supposed to anticipate and prevent things like this? I can’t work under these conditions, Ap. 19,751. Sometimes I despair, I really do.

Our task is made more difficult by the fact that all truth coheres as a single whole. You never know when some lie you’re telling over here is going to be contradicted by some fact that pops up over there. One just has to hope the humans don’t notice, and that never works in the long run. Their constant experience of everyday reality contradicts some of our lies every second of every day.

Consider one of our marquee lies, “The two (seventeen, whatever) sexes are exactly the same psychologically and behaviorally.” It’s a rare human that makes it to age five believing that one, Ap. 19,751. And naturally, when they figure out that we’re liars it hurts our attempts to spread other lies immeasurably. Just between you and me, I often wish the Low Command would be more strategic about the nonsense we’re supposed to spew. (Consider two of the current big ones: (1) It’s impossible to tamper with the U.S. voting system, and (2) Russia tampered with the U.S. voting system. Even for human leftists, believing both of these simultaneously is a stretch.)

And it gets even worse. My hand is getting stiff from writing this, so I’ll leave off for now, but my next missive will discuss the worst example in recent decades of humans finding truth in the midst of lies.

Infernally yours,
Diabolus 31,506

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