“We like nice guys! We don’t like jerks!”

“We like nice guys! We don’t like jerks!”
“What about that time you slept with Chad?”
“That was just because I was drunk! Doesn’t count!”
“What about that time you slept with Jason?”
“That was just because he was sooooo hot! Doesn’t count!”
“What about that time you slept with Eric?”
“He’s not really a jerk, he just seems that way sometimes because he had a really difficult childhood and (blah blah)… Doesn’t count!”
“What about that time you slept with Martin?”
“That was just because I was on the rebound from my breakup with Fred! Doesn’t count!”
“Speaking of Fred…”
“That was years ago! I was young and confused! Doesn’t count!”
“What about that time you slept with John?”
“That was just because he was really good at putting up a front. He really seemed nice at first! Doesn’t count!”
“What about that time you slept with Adam?”
“That was just because I was on a huge dry spell and super-horny. I had no judgment and just grabbed the first guy who came along. Doesn’t count!”
“What about that time you slept with Rob?”
“I knew he was a jerk, but thought I could change him to a nice guy. Doesn’t count!”
“What about that time you slept with Neurotoxin?”
“That was just because all my girlfriends told me what an enormous cock he has! Doesn’t count!”
“Nathan?”
“Doesn’t count!”
“Mike?”
“Doesn’t count!”
“What about–”
“Doesn’t count!”
“Are you noticing a pattern in this–”
“Doesn’t count!”
“But–”
“Doesn’t count!”

Notice the one consistent pattern in all this, ladies: It was a never a nice guy that you hopped into bed with in all those “exceptional circumstances.” It wasn’t a nice guy you fucked because he was “sooooo hot.” It wasn’t a nice guy you fucked because you were young and confused. It wasn’t a nice guy you fucked because you were on the rebound from your breakup with Fred. It wasn’t a nice guy you fucked because you were on a huge dry spell and super-horny. No, somehow the men you hopped into bed with under those “exceptional circumstances” always just happened to be jerks.

The stupidest excuse of them all is “I knew he was a jerk, but thought I could change him to a nice guy.” There are tons of guys out there who are already nice. If you really wanted a nice guy you’d simply have grabbed one of them. These nice guys are all available, too. Which also makes my point; think about it.

On that note: Last year my woman and I were catching up on some DVR’d episodes of the first or second season of Agents of Shield. [MAMMOTH SPOILER WARNING.] Ward has been revealed as a merciless remorseless utterly inhuman sadistic psychopathic serial murderer who tried to kill all his former comrades and who did kill many Shield agents, not to mention his own brother and his brother’s family. So my woman starts analyzing him as if he’s a normal human being. “Oh, it’s like his older brother forced him to threaten his other, younger brother, so he had to turn off his emotions and (blah blah blah).”

I sat there staring at her, agape, almost unable to believe what I was hearing. My chick is actually an intelligent person. But because she was born with two X chromosomes, observing an utterly remorseless multiple murderer shuts off her brain’s ability to think and auto-kick-starts an excuse-making algorithm. Colloquially, we call that the Hamster, but the name will make the Hamster surprise you. It’s not a friendly, furry little guy who makes women do cute, silly things. It makes them find excuses for multiple murderers. Filtered through female neural mechanisms that evolved in the African savanna half a million years ago, “multiple murderer” parses out as “dominant male.” He has the physical ability, and the ruthlessness, to kill and get away with it.

People who think the Manosphere is excessively negative about women need to actually observe women in the real world.

(Well OK, parts of the Manosphere can, in fact, be excessively negative about women. But still, anyone who thinks they don’t have a point really does need to observe actual women.)

In fact, we need an expression to replace “the Hamster.” “The Hamster” is far too harmless-sounding. A now-defunct blog (In Mala Fide, IIRC) once referred to “the world-shaking amorality of the gina tingle.” While “gina tingle” is too comedic, “world-shaking amorality” captures the reality we need a tag for.

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