Auto-Generated Wokeness!

Why waste time thinking up rhetoric to prove your wokeness and accuse people you dislike of thoughtcrime? Not only does thinking take time, it violates the entire spirit of social justice warriorhood.

Software to the rescue! The next time you’re getting your ass kicked by logic and facts, just use one of these convenient examples of PC rhetoric, randomly generated by the magic of computers!

The Gauss code is provided below as a public service. Here is a sample of its output:

Victims of Islamophobia are continually raped by frat boys.
Those whose experiences are denied have historically been devalued by heternormativity.
Homosexuals are hyper-offended by institutionalized sexism.
Wymyn are offended by institutionalized racism.
Lesbians are super-offended by fat-shaming. LOL, I’ll bet.
Those with alternative body types are continually raped by white men. They wish.
Transgendered persons are continually raped by those who deny their own privilege.
Victims of Islamophobia are silenced by institutionalized Islamophobia.
Victims of Islamophobia feel threatened by rape culture. Self-hating?
Homosexuals feel unsafe in the presence of frat boys. Believe me, homosexuals, you have nothing to worry about.
Lesbians are victims of genocide perpetrated by self-hatred caused by the broader culture.
People of color are hyper-offended by rape culture.
Homosexuals have historically been devalued by a culture that portrays heterosexuality as ‘normal’. This one actually “makes sense,” to the extent that any SJW rhetoric makes sense.
People of color are silenced by homophobia.
People whose voices have been silenced feel threatened by rape culture.
Transgendered persons are ultra-offended by fat-shaming.
Victims are continually raped by rape culture.
Those whose experiences are denied are triggered by self-hatred caused by the broader culture. This is a great all-purpose piece of SJW rhetoric. Just copy and paste into any comment thread involving identity politics of any sort!
Oppressed minorities are mega-offended by racists.
Victims of Islamophobia are mega-offended by heternormativity. Not really, no.
Victims feel unsafe in the presence of fat-shaming.
Transgendered persons are victims of genocide perpetrated by incursions into their safe spaces.
Wymyn are victims of genocide perpetrated by exclusionary rhetoric.
Homosexuals feel unsafe in the presence of racism.
People of color are super-offended by those who deny their own privilege.
Those with alternative body types are triggered by transphobes.
People whose voices have been silenced are continually raped by exclusionary rhetoric. Another all-purpose one.
Wymyn are ultra-offended by homophobia.

GAUSS CODE:

To use this you must have Gauss, obviously, and you must do a global find and replace to replace each “(lessthan)” with the mathematical symbol for less than. I couldn’t include that symbol here because the html will interpret it as an attempt to open an html tag.

new;
output file=c:\randomPC.out reset;
cls;

maxval=2;

i=1;
do while i(lessthan)maxval;

def=rndu(1,1); @ Generate a random number. @
h=def*1.2;

if h(lessthan)0.1;
“Wymyn”;
abc=9;
elseif h(lessthan)0.2;
“People of color”;
abc=19;
elseif h(lessthan)0.3;
“Lesbians”;
abc=12;
elseif h(lessthan)0.4;
“Historically oppressed groups”;
abc=33;
elseif h(lessthan)0.5;
“Oppressed minorities”;
abc=24;
elseif h(lessthan)0.6;
“People whose voices have been silenced”;
abc=42;
elseif h(lessthan)0.7;
“Victims”;
abc=11;
elseif h(lessthan)0.8;
“Transgendered persons”;
abc=25;
elseif h(lessthan)0.9;
“Homosexuals”;
abc=15;
elseif h(lessthan)1;
“Victims of Islamophobia”;
abc=27;
elseif h(lessthan)1.1;
“Those with alternative body types”;
abc=37;
else;
“Those whose experiences are denied”;
abc=38;
endif;

locate(i,abc-2);

fex=rndu(1,1); @ Generate another random number. @
f=fex*14;

if f(lessthan)1;
“have always been oppressed by”;
qrs=33;
elseif f(lessthan)2;
“are silenced by”;
qrs=19;
elseif f(lessthan)3;
“feel unsafe in the presence of”;
qrs=34;
elseif f(lessthan)4;
“feel threatened by”;
qrs=22;
elseif f(lessthan)5;
“have historically been devalued by”;
qrs=38;
elseif f(lessthan)6;
“have had their culture appropriated by”;
qrs=42;
elseif f(lessthan)7;
“are victims of genocide perpetrated by”;
qrs=42;
elseif f(lessthan)8;
“are continually raped by”;
qrs=28;
elseif f(lessthan)9;
“are triggered by”;
qrs=20;
elseif f(lessthan)10;
“are offended by”;
qrs=19;
elseif f(lessthan)11;
“are super-offended by”;
qrs=25;
elseif f(lessthan)12;
“are hyper-offended by”;
qrs=25;
elseif f(lessthan)13;
“are ultra-offended by”;
qrs=25;
else;
“are mega-offended by”;
qrs=24;
endif;

locate(i,abc+qrs-5);

he=rndu(1,1); @ Generate another random number. @
hf=he*2.4;

if hf(lessthan)0.1;
s4= “white men.”;
elseif hf(lessthan)0.2;
s4= “the heteropatriarchy.”;
elseif hf(lessthan)0.3;
s4= “a culture of silence.”;
elseif hf(lessthan)0.4;
s4= “rape culture.”;
elseif hf(lessthan)0.5;
s4= “heternormativity.”;
elseif hf(lessthan)0.6;
s4= “religious bigotry.”;
elseif hf(lessthan)0.7;
s4= “misogyny.”;
elseif hf(lessthan)0.8;
s4= “racism.”;
elseif hf(lessthan)0.9;
s4= “institutionalized racism.”;
elseif hf(lessthan)1;
s4= “institutionalized sexism.”;
elseif hf(lessthan)1.1;
s4= “denial of their Title IX rights.”;
elseif hf(lessthan)1.2;
s4= “institutionalized Islamophobia.”;
elseif hf(lessthan)1.3;
s4= “homophobia.”;
elseif hf(lessthan)1.4;
s4= “transphobes.”;
elseif hf(lessthan)1.5;
s4= “angry white men.”;
elseif hf(lessthan)1.6;
s4= “a culture that portrays heterosexuality as ‘normal’.”;
elseif hf(lessthan)1.7;
s4= “fat-shaming.”;
elseif hf(lessthan)1.8;
s4= “racists.”;
elseif hf(lessthan)1.9;
s4= “those who deny their own privilege.”;
elseif hf(lessthan)2;
s4= “mansplaining.”;
elseif hf(lessthan)2.1;
s4= “exclusionary rhetoric.”;
elseif hf(lessthan)2.2;
s4= “incursions into their safe spaces.”;
elseif hf(lessthan)2.3;
s4= “frat boys.”;
else;
s4= “self-hatred caused by the broader culture.”;
endif;

s4;

i=i+1;
endo;

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