Notes for Inexperienced Men on Making a Move on a Girl

Some thoughts prompted by Aidan Maclear’s Game test
His answer key is here:

The first question:

1) Imagine that you’re a very young man, still first year of college or the summer after highschool, and you’re not exactly bad with women, not an incel, not a virgin, but you know nothing of the dark arts, have swallowed the blue pill, so your true potential is held back. An attractive female friend who you had considered out-of-your-league invites you over to her house at night to hang out. You’re thinking “damn, she was into me after all, I’m getting some tonight”. But when you get there, she’s treating you like an asexual platonic friend, seemingly oblivious to the fact that the two of you are all alone in her house. You don’t feel any sexual tension from her end, i.e. she hasn’t shit tested you at all, and there’s no flirting going on, but nonetheless you push the thought of her tight curvy little ass out of your mind and have a fun time hanging out, drinking a little liquor, and watching movies. Later, you realize that the night is winding down without any progress, and if you want to fuck her, you need to do something soon. She’s sitting on the couch next to you, close enough that you smell her intoxicating scent, but not touching you. What do you do?

Some of Maclear’s commenters have misapprehensions about this situation, essentially seeing it as an almost-lost cause that requires some sort of desperate long shot. No, no, no!

One commenter said the correct answer to this (multiple-choice) question is
(d), since she’s out of your league.
Answer d is basically Just go for it, which is the correct answer, but this commenter’s reason for it is all wrong: However much sense a girl being “out of your league” might make in some contexts (a complicated topic), it doesn’t make sense when she has invited you over (at night, no less) with just the two of you there.

Another commenter:
1d) Direct action seems the only chance.
The situation is not at all so dire as to be melodramatically talking about “the only chance.”

Another commenter:
1: c, reality is you blew it but it’s worth a try.
No, no, no, no, no! This is very wrong! Pathologically wrong! Forgive me, if you chance to read this, but this view of things suggests you’re not very experienced with women.

The reality, based on experience:

1. When a girl deliberately maneuvers herself into being alone with you, she wants you to make a move.

2. Whatever you did earlier to make her attracted to you was the important part. Her wanting to fool around with you has little or nothing to do with how you make the move. She decided she wanted to screw you in the preceding hours, or weeks, or whatever.

3. Due to point 2, you have way more leeway than you might think in how you make the move, by which I mean the first overt physical move. (When I was single it was almost always going for the first kiss, though maybe single men these days just start by grabbing the girl’s clit, for all I know.) Your timing can be bad, your pass can be clunky, you can even screw up by talking about making a pass at her before you actually do it, and she’ll still enthusiastically go along with your move.

I’ve made all of these mistakes when I was young, and it only sort of mattered once. It was the talking one, where I asked a girl I liked (I was 14) “Can I kiss you?” She said “No.” That was that, but only for the moment: years later I had my cock in her mouth, so it wasn’t a lethal mistake in the long run. When I was in college I made similar mistakes on two separate occasions, and both times I got laid anyway. In both cases the girl had invited herself to my dorm room late at night. One of those times I actually said something like “Did you come here so we could fool around?” Now this is bad, for two reasons: One, it’s clunky and socially graceless; why not just make a move instead of talking about it? Two, being this explicit runs the risk of activating her anti-slut defense. She shrugged off my lack of smoothness and fucked me anyway.

I got laid the other time too, because that’s why each of those chicks had invited herself to my dorm room late at night in the freakin’ first place.

4. One time a girl invited me to her apartment for the weekend. That evening after dinner, before there had been any fooling around, we were lying/sitting on her bed talking when I just randomly, with no particular context, went for the kiss. We started making out. Later, after blowing me, she told me that my timing had surprised her. But that made no difference. Why do you think she’d invited me to her pad in the first place?

5. Some inexperienced men worry about the details of making that first move. People, this is the least important part of it. It’s actually the easiest and most fun part of the Great Dance. It’s almost trivial, really. Generating attraction, before that, is when all the important questions about you are answered in her mind.

Actually, let me qualify the statement “making that first move is actually the easiest and most fun part of the Great Dance.” I remember that it could be somewhat adrenalin-y when I was really young, like 12 or 14, and not very experienced. A young man has to just decide to go for it, just make yourself do it. It’s part of being a man (as opposed to merely a male human).

By the time I was in my twenties, I had a saying that the only thing that made my pulse rate rise from 71 beats per minute to 72 was making a move when I wasn’t sure how the girl would respond. It’s pure fun, once you’re experienced.

Making an overt move also is good even if she’s not actually into you, since games girls play that revolve around their being coy little flirts who aren’t really interested in you can be destroyed by simply going for the first kiss: A girl who’s not attracted to you won’t go let you jam your tongue down her throat. Then you can move on, avoiding a further waste of time.

One more thing: What about if you really thought she was attracted you, and you’re attracted to her, but your move is rejected? IMPORTANT TRUTH: This is not remotely as bad as you think it will be, if it has never happened to you before. Say you go in for the first kiss, she leans back and says, “What are you doing?” or “I just think of you as a friend” or whatever. It’s nothing. You’ll just handle it. You’ll just be like, “Oh, OK. Well, I’m gonna go hang out with my buddies at the bar.” Or whatever.

One of the most liberating things that ever happened to me was the first time I had a move shot down. I was disappointed, but not flustered. I was like, “THAT’s what I was thinking would be a big deal all that time? That’s nothing!” That’s when I started making more passes, and fooling around with more girls, because I realized that having a pass rejected is no big deal at all.

Also: When you look back on it later, you’ll regret the passes you might have made but didn’t, not the passes you made that got shot down.

Though now there’s the Title IX/Affirmative Consent stuff, which makes it harder for men. If you’re a college man in an “affirmative consent” state like California or New York, it may be more complicated for you. Or not. My advice would simply be to vet the girl before you make a move. Remember, the vast majority of women are not psychotic feminists; they’re not looking for an excuse to cry “Rape!” Weed out the crazies before it ever gets to the “making a move” stage.


Having a move rejected is not a big deal. You’ll just handle it. Don’t let that possibility stop you.

In making a move, most of the stuff that matters is in whatever generates attraction before you’re ever in a position (alone with her) to make a move. How you make a move is much less important. Women who want to have sex with you are incredibly forgiving if your pass isn’t perfect.

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